You are not the others

Recently, I've found myself trying to be what I really was not.
That is to say, I was trying to imitate what my friends were like, excessively.

When I was small, I was often told that I couldn't be what I wasn't.
I am what I am. My friends are my friends.
I didn't particularly think that I wanted to be like my friends.
So, at that time I didn't know why adults around me told me that so frequently.

When I came up to the uni., I read in some books that it was actually possible for me to take some resources that I want myself too from my friends.
It sounded opposite to me from what I have heard for years, but I tried and it did work with me.
I worked that borrowing-resources technique for a year.

But recently, I found myself overdoing it.
Or rather, I was not perfect in it.
I've realized that it was not enough just borrowing the resources.
I need to make them my way, or I should keep myself.
I've realized I cannot be happy making myself like others.
I can learn from the others and should try to follow my friends' good points, of course.
However, still, I should try to make those good resources that I've got from the others mine.
In other words, if I just stop there, just imitating the others, it will sooner or later come into disorder.
I should adopt them deep within me, combine with my network, and make them what I can use in my way.

That's what I've been thinking recently.
Try to make my better self.
Rather that putting the others on my surface.
It just end up being ornaments.on my character.
I'd rather to polish the inside of myself.